Friend: what time do you usually go to bed?
Me: 10:30ish sometimes 4
supercargautier:

kaiju3:

The American Hogwarts Houses

protip: these are all basically candy scents. the bear one “for the commanding man” is kiwi bubblegum

supercargautier:

kaiju3:

The American Hogwarts Houses

protip: these are all basically candy scents. the bear one “for the commanding man” is kiwi bubblegum

lamelohan:

parents: CAN YOU DO SOMETHING AROUND THIS HOUS-

me: 

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teamrocketing:

we all know this bitch who says “i can’t draw that well” and then they’re like

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thegoddess-afrodite:

reblogalert:

Lifehack: Accidentally text the wrong person? Immediately put your phone on airplane mode and once it fails to deliver, delete the message.

This can save lives

proctalgia:

when u try to tell ur friends a pun

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babefang:

Is this how they sold “Murder house”?

babefang:

Is this how they sold “Murder house”?

can-u-not-my-wayward-son:

suspnd:

suspnd:

suspnd:

my best friend just realized 30 minutes before her curfew that she’s an hour away from home in the most dangerous part of the city alone with the buses no longer running so she calls the police to take her home i cant stop laughing

update the cop that came to pick her up is a hot 20 year old guy thats flirting with her and now im not laughing anymore

SHE FUCKING HOOKED UP WITH THE COP

fuck the police

imhiskindofcrazy:

yourpetdog:

yourpetdog:

what if i ordered pizza in the middle of the hurricane.

they yelled at me.

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